While special needs children have many struggles, one of the biggest I've found especially with my son, is coping. Situations, people, activities, surrounds, noises, all of these things can trigger a "meltdown" in seconds. One minute you're at the park, having fun and the next your child is on the ground crying, covering their ears or yelling. Anything can set it off and sometimes you won't even really know what it was. Here I will help you try to uncover some of the causes for a meltdown and give you a few ideas to help your child cope.
TRIGGERS
Whenever a child has a meltdown something preceded it and your child was overwhelmed by an emotion that they did not know how to work through in a calm manner. Make a mental note when your child does have a harder time keeping it together. Is it right before bed or school that they seem to come unhinged and uncooperative? Do they seem easily frustrated and irritated when they are hungry or tired? Finding out what triggers a child's meltdown can help you to reduce or even eliminate the causes in some cases. If one of your child's triggers can't be eliminated, you can always help them to prepare when you know you will be in a situation that could cause them to meltdown. For instance, my son dislikes loud environments, if I know we have to go somewhere that is louder than usual, I will prep him beforehand. I will make arrangements to take someone with me who can stay with him in the car or I will give my son a game or something to keep him occupied if he has to go in with me. Bringing something he enjoys and that can keep him occupied to where he is not focused on the noise makes a huge difference.
SOCIAL STORIES
Many children also have difficulties socially with others. Talking them through potential situations can help them in the future. Give examples of what people do and say when they first meet someone. Show your child how to shake someone's hand, wave goodbye or give a high five. Let them know that these are socially acceptable greetings. Using these social stories to explain people, activities and situations can help not only special needs children, but typically developing children as well. If I can give my son examples of situations that could happen, he feels less overwhelmed and better prepared to handle these instances should they occur.
CIRCUMSTANCES
Always remember that children are people too. Adults are given more grace when it comes to their actions in certain situations. Others make excuses for why their spouse yelled at them earlier in the day, or why their boss was curt at the office. Children unfortunately, are not always given this same measure of grace. Most children meltdown or act out due to some extenuating circumstance and it's not always behavior related. Before you get too upset, try to talk to your child about how they are feeling, physically and emotionally. Are they tired, hungry or just plain having a bad day? Everyone goes through times of emotional or physical ups and downs so it's important to let your child know that it is okay to not feel the best, but that you have to deal with it in a calm manner. Let your child know that if they are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed to calmly tell you they need some alone time and pick a spot where they can sit and release some stress. If there is a certain toy or activity they enjoy that can calm them, keep it in an area that is easily acceptable. If your child is non-verbal try to show them the toy and practice handing it to them when they are stressed. Through repetition, children will learn quickly that this is better way to deal with their feelings and that it makes them and their family members feel better.
While every situation is different, these are a great start to getting your child on the path to learning coping skills. If you know of any tactics that have helped your family please share it and we will pass the word along!
