While special needs children have many struggles, one of the biggest I've found especially with my son, is coping. Situations, people, activities, surrounds, noises, all of these things can trigger a "meltdown" in seconds. One minute you're at the park, having fun and the next your child is on the ground crying, covering their ears or yelling. Anything can set it off and sometimes you won't even really know what it was. Here I will help you try to uncover some of the causes for a meltdown and give you a few ideas to help your child cope.
TRIGGERS
Whenever a child has a meltdown something preceded it and your child was overwhelmed by an emotion that they did not know how to work through in a calm manner. Make a mental note when your child does have a harder time keeping it together. Is it right before bed or school that they seem to come unhinged and uncooperative? Do they seem easily frustrated and irritated when they are hungry or tired? Finding out what triggers a child's meltdown can help you to reduce or even eliminate the causes in some cases. If one of your child's triggers can't be eliminated, you can always help them to prepare when you know you will be in a situation that could cause them to meltdown. For instance, my son dislikes loud environments, if I know we have to go somewhere that is louder than usual, I will prep him beforehand. I will make arrangements to take someone with me who can stay with him in the car or I will give my son a game or something to keep him occupied if he has to go in with me. Bringing something he enjoys and that can keep him occupied to where he is not focused on the noise makes a huge difference.
SOCIAL STORIES
Many children also have difficulties socially with others. Talking them through potential situations can help them in the future. Give examples of what people do and say when they first meet someone. Show your child how to shake someone's hand, wave goodbye or give a high five. Let them know that these are socially acceptable greetings. Using these social stories to explain people, activities and situations can help not only special needs children, but typically developing children as well. If I can give my son examples of situations that could happen, he feels less overwhelmed and better prepared to handle these instances should they occur.
CIRCUMSTANCES
Always remember that children are people too. Adults are given more grace when it comes to their actions in certain situations. Others make excuses for why their spouse yelled at them earlier in the day, or why their boss was curt at the office. Children unfortunately, are not always given this same measure of grace. Most children meltdown or act out due to some extenuating circumstance and it's not always behavior related. Before you get too upset, try to talk to your child about how they are feeling, physically and emotionally. Are they tired, hungry or just plain having a bad day? Everyone goes through times of emotional or physical ups and downs so it's important to let your child know that it is okay to not feel the best, but that you have to deal with it in a calm manner. Let your child know that if they are feeling frustrated or overwhelmed to calmly tell you they need some alone time and pick a spot where they can sit and release some stress. If there is a certain toy or activity they enjoy that can calm them, keep it in an area that is easily acceptable. If your child is non-verbal try to show them the toy and practice handing it to them when they are stressed. Through repetition, children will learn quickly that this is better way to deal with their feelings and that it makes them and their family members feel better.
While every situation is different, these are a great start to getting your child on the path to learning coping skills. If you know of any tactics that have helped your family please share it and we will pass the word along!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
How Can I Help?
Let's face it, IEP's are confusing, exhausting and overwhelming. Everytime I've gone, I thought I had it all figured out, only to have something unfamiliar be brought up and I had no idea how to react or counteract the information getting thrown around. I do know that no matter how many IEP's you go to, you never stop learning. Laws and language are constantly changing and the amount of information to check up on is exponential. My hope is to help parents gain more knowledge in the area of special needs education so they can feel empowered and not powerless when it comes to making decisions regarding their child's education. Here are some basic tips to remember when attending your child's IEP meetings.
1. BE INFORMED: Unfortunately, in the situation of special needs education, ignorance is not bliss. The more you know, the better equipped you are to help your child get the services and placement that is in their best interest. Be sure to have a good grip on your child's diagnosis, current services and struggles. Make an outline of the topics you would like to discuss regarding your child's educational goals; this will help you stay on track and not get distracted. Also, find out all you can about the IDEA Act of 2004 and No Child Left Behind. These two bills contain the information regarding you and your child's rights within the public educational system.
2. STICK TO THE FACTS: Many parents love to dote on their children and their accomplishments, however the school only wants to hear and see what your child needs in order to succeed in the school setting. Giving examples of your child's behavior or struggles at home won't necessarily be helpful to the school and most of the time they will comment that they are only responsible for your child in an educational setting. Also, mentioning any medical diagnoses outside of the school will get the same response from school officials. Make sure your facts and examples are based off of any reports from the school and the service providers assisting your child at the school.
3. BE ASSERTIVE, BUT NOT AGGRESSIVE: When you first walk into a meeting you may feel very intimidated with the amount of people in the room and feel outnumbered. Try not to let it bother you and make sure you have all of the information you need to discuss what you want for your child. Talk clearly and concisely without too much emotion. While you may have many emotions during the course of the IEP meeting, it is best to keep them in check and stick to facts. Meetings can begin to fall apart when parents get upset and begin to cry or shout. Some schools will even end a meeting if emotions get too out of control during the meeting. You have a much better chance of helping your child if you remain cool, calm and collected while presenting only factual information regarding your child.
4. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS: The school would like you to believe that they are the end all, be all in decision making regarding your child's placement, services, etc. This is not the case and the law even states clearly that as a parent you are part of the IEP Team and an integral part of decision making and should have "meaningful participation. You have the right to let your concerns be known regarding your child's placement, services, etc. You also do not have to accept the services the school presents to you; if you feel it is something that would hinder your child rather than help them, let the school know. The school should go over all of the information put into the IEP paperwork and explain everything in detail. If there is something you do not understand, be sure to ask about it and get a full explanation before you agree to have it included in your child's IEP.
You can bring someone with you to the IEP (such as an OT or other service provider in a medical setting) as long as you let the school know at least 24 hours in advance. Audio recording the meeting is another option, but the school needs to have at least 48 hours notice prior to the meeting and you should get everything in writing; drop off a letter to the school telling who you plan on bringing with you and if you want to record the meeting. A note of caution, if you intend to record the meeting, this will put the school on the defensive and may make it more difficult for you to get what you want for your child. The school will counteract by recording as well and may bring in a district employee. This district employee will have a much greater understanding of the law and may try to confuse you with certain phrases and information.
Lastly, at the end of the IEP meeting you will have to sign the IEP paperwork in order for the new placement, services, etc. to take effect. If you agree with the entire document you simply sign and date at the bottom. If you agree with only a portion of the document, there is an option to check that you agree with certain aspects of the IEP and you can list the parts you do not wish to implement.
While there is a lot more information that can help, these are the top 4 tips I would give to any parent or guardian just beginning to navigate through the IEP process. Keep moving forward and learn all you can to help make the process go a bit smoother. You can be successful as an advocate for your child!
1. BE INFORMED: Unfortunately, in the situation of special needs education, ignorance is not bliss. The more you know, the better equipped you are to help your child get the services and placement that is in their best interest. Be sure to have a good grip on your child's diagnosis, current services and struggles. Make an outline of the topics you would like to discuss regarding your child's educational goals; this will help you stay on track and not get distracted. Also, find out all you can about the IDEA Act of 2004 and No Child Left Behind. These two bills contain the information regarding you and your child's rights within the public educational system.
2. STICK TO THE FACTS: Many parents love to dote on their children and their accomplishments, however the school only wants to hear and see what your child needs in order to succeed in the school setting. Giving examples of your child's behavior or struggles at home won't necessarily be helpful to the school and most of the time they will comment that they are only responsible for your child in an educational setting. Also, mentioning any medical diagnoses outside of the school will get the same response from school officials. Make sure your facts and examples are based off of any reports from the school and the service providers assisting your child at the school.
3. BE ASSERTIVE, BUT NOT AGGRESSIVE: When you first walk into a meeting you may feel very intimidated with the amount of people in the room and feel outnumbered. Try not to let it bother you and make sure you have all of the information you need to discuss what you want for your child. Talk clearly and concisely without too much emotion. While you may have many emotions during the course of the IEP meeting, it is best to keep them in check and stick to facts. Meetings can begin to fall apart when parents get upset and begin to cry or shout. Some schools will even end a meeting if emotions get too out of control during the meeting. You have a much better chance of helping your child if you remain cool, calm and collected while presenting only factual information regarding your child.
4. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS: The school would like you to believe that they are the end all, be all in decision making regarding your child's placement, services, etc. This is not the case and the law even states clearly that as a parent you are part of the IEP Team and an integral part of decision making and should have "meaningful participation. You have the right to let your concerns be known regarding your child's placement, services, etc. You also do not have to accept the services the school presents to you; if you feel it is something that would hinder your child rather than help them, let the school know. The school should go over all of the information put into the IEP paperwork and explain everything in detail. If there is something you do not understand, be sure to ask about it and get a full explanation before you agree to have it included in your child's IEP.
You can bring someone with you to the IEP (such as an OT or other service provider in a medical setting) as long as you let the school know at least 24 hours in advance. Audio recording the meeting is another option, but the school needs to have at least 48 hours notice prior to the meeting and you should get everything in writing; drop off a letter to the school telling who you plan on bringing with you and if you want to record the meeting. A note of caution, if you intend to record the meeting, this will put the school on the defensive and may make it more difficult for you to get what you want for your child. The school will counteract by recording as well and may bring in a district employee. This district employee will have a much greater understanding of the law and may try to confuse you with certain phrases and information.
Lastly, at the end of the IEP meeting you will have to sign the IEP paperwork in order for the new placement, services, etc. to take effect. If you agree with the entire document you simply sign and date at the bottom. If you agree with only a portion of the document, there is an option to check that you agree with certain aspects of the IEP and you can list the parts you do not wish to implement.
While there is a lot more information that can help, these are the top 4 tips I would give to any parent or guardian just beginning to navigate through the IEP process. Keep moving forward and learn all you can to help make the process go a bit smoother. You can be successful as an advocate for your child!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
What Do You Mean Advocate?
All children need someone who will be their spokesperson, protector, guide and cheerleader. As parents, we have the ability to help our children and speak out for them when they cannot. This is especially true of special needs children who have an even smaller platform to express their needs and wants. As the parent of a special needs child, I fully understand the heartbreak of having to watch your child struggle at school, in social situations, in public and even at home. Determined to be the best advocate for my son, whenever and wherever he may need it, I went on a search. I searched for information about his diagnosis, about treatments that may help, about obstacles we may encounter once he got to school age, which doctors to see, what questions to ask, laws regarding special education; you name it, I looked it up. I couldn't believe there was no one to help you through this daunting process. I've seen too many parents struggling and desperately seeking help from anyone they could find to help them learn how to help their own child. While many folks really want to help; their advice may not be the best or the most accurate. My goal is to help educate parents on various topics such as diagnoses, treatments, schools, social situations, home life, etc. and hope this helps give you a starting point that will eventually lead you to success. While the road is long, if you persevere, good things will happen. That doesn't mean there won't be bumps in the road on that path to success, but hopefully I can help you get there relatively unscathed.
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